"Sometime God’s plan for our lives may be different than we’d hoped. When traveling a broken road can be easy to get our fears getting in the way. But when we learn to let go of that fear, and put our faith in god. He will show us the way”
Call him god, universe, buddy, allah etc. It doesn't matter where we are from, what culture we have or what religion we are raised with. Everyone of us can get cancer, or be marked of it because one of our close one have it or had it. Its a terrible sickness, and it’s hard to go through for everyone also who we have close. Not only do you have to live with the sickness, you also have to live with the fact there is a risk you will die and not see your kids, grandkids grow up. and of top of this, you have to choose what kind of medical way you want to go - the hospital way, or the organic way. So many questions, and life changes happens in the moment when you been told - YOU HAVE CANCER.
Most of all people choose the hospital way, loosing there hair, and can feel all the medicin that they constantly make sure you get. You stop looking at yourself, because it gets hard to find the beauty in what you see in the mirror. The day you stop looking at yourself and see how beautiful you are, it gets easier to give up. In this world with social media, magazine and one reality show after another where they show how BEAUTIFUL you have to be - or what they expect you to be. Its not real, reality is you only see 1% of the real world, what happens in that small second of there life. Where everything looks amazing, and after that it goes through photoshop or another editing program to show the best version of ourself. Or is it??
There is something over a person that stands up every single day, even though it hurts in the whole body. A person who smile to the neighbours, even though you dont feel like smiling. They get dressed and try to live a “normal” life, even though they hear the clock ticking ever min.
They are the best version of them self, and still able to be there for everyone around them. That beauty that they show, that glows that comes not only from the outside but all the way from the soul. And shows with the sparkling in there eyes, and with there smile. When its start to get closer, its getting harder to show joy and happiness, and find something to smile about.
The reason why this subject is so important for me is - I lost my mom back in dec 2014.
When we first got the bad new, it felt like it wasn't true. Luckily (what we thought at that time) she was only going to have treatment for 6 weeks and then she would be good - so we wouldn't loose her. It was hard to see her getting the treatment and being at the hospital, but I was just happy that she wasn't going to die. The 6 weeks went by - and the hospital told us everything is good. Life was perfect again, and I could now enjoy my time with my mom. After 3 months she had to go the hospital to be checked. what we didn't aspect was - they forgot to check up on some cancer (good cancer) she had on her lung, and now this have been spreading to the rest of her body. We were chocked, angry and sad. “how could they”. Lot of question went through my mind. I was now looking at the amazing woman that also was my mom, knowing that she would never see my kids, her grandchildren or me getting married. It was like loosing a small part of yourself.
At that time we didn't know how long time, we would have with her - but we knew it wouldn't be for many years. Some couple of months after she was so weak that my stepfather couldn't take care of her, so he/we had to put her at the hospital which is also a hospice.
after some weeks it looks like she got better, she was still my smiling happy mom, that she always have been. Being there for other people, trying to help everyone - a good person, but now in a hospital bed.
A month later I went over to surprise her, before my plan was to go to Italy. She was still “touched” my the cancer, but she was still smiling. The doctor called me in and wanted to talk to me, to tell me about her situation. What he told me next - stopped my heart. He told me that my mom was going to die, and we will be lucky to have her for christmas (which was in like 12 days). I didn't know what to do with myself, i started crying, and i felt so much pain in my heart.
I walked into my mom, start crying even more, and asked her why they haven't told me/us. She said she didn't know. I called my stepfather with the same question, and again the same answer. I was now in a situation that i never thought i would be in, talking with my mom about her pass away, what her wishes was and all the things you have to think about. I asked her if any body knew - nobody knew. So I had to call all our family and friends, to bring them the bad new I just got the same day, that if they wanted to see my mom and say goodbye they have to do it sooner than later. I cancelled my trip to Italy, took over to my mom for 7 days and spend almost every waking hour with her. We were laughing, talking about life, memories and kids that I might would get one day. While I was there i was knitting baby blankets and stuff for my future kids (girl and boy stuff) that was my moms wish. Sense she couldn't do it, because she hadn't any power left in her hands, or energy. She wanted me to remember her, when that day came where I had to use it for my kids. The last night I was there we were listening to her favourite music, i went up to her bed and hold my arms around her. While we were talking, and just enjoying the moment, it started to snow. its was magical, a moment i will never forget.
Those 7 days, was memorable and Im so happy that I did it. The last time a saw her was dec 23 th. the day before Danish christmas. We celebrated christmas, my mom, stepfather, my brother, his fiancé and me. It was hard, she east herself anymore, she couldn't talk and she was sleeping all the time. It was now just a question about hours, maybe days. I decided that this would be the last time i saw her, i wanted to remember her smile, our talk and laugh - not her in this way.
I went in to say goodbye, i start crying and the pain in my heart started again. To realise that this would be the last time I saw my mom, the woman who gave birth to me, who took care of me, alive - was so hard. Dec 28th i got a text early in the morning that my mom had pass away earlier. It felt like I got a huge whole inside of me, i couldn't speak, I couldn’t think.
After that my life changed completely, I started to question my life, weather i was happy or not, what should i change to reach that happiness. We never know when that day comes, and we no longer exist.
The reason why I'm telling you this story is; For me having those 7 days memory with her was everything. to see her smile and laugh even though she was sick.
Many cancer patient don't want to have photos of them after they get sick - because they don't want there friends and family to remember them like that. Trust me I get it.
But for me - I would have wish someone have capture those moments of happiness. So I could have looked at those photos today, and know that she was the same amazing and beautiful woman all the way to the end.
I want to show and capture how amazing and beautiful you can be - even though you have cancer. Cancer is a sickness and not who you are.
My vision is to capture it, and show the world what beauty is. And make an campaign, so we can have more focus on cancer and also what real beauty is about.
But I need your help!!